Le mirabolanti avventure di Barbara Jacob

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Former freelance web developer Barbara Jacob was on the verge of breakdown because of appalling customers behavior and the huge mortgage she had to repay for all her foreseeable life. So one day she escaped to London, where she isn't happier but at least she can keep the wolf from the door. Well, and now that we are here, what we will do with our life?

December 2009
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I remember one night when he told me cheerfully "send me a friend request on Facebook!". I reacted annoyed, firstly because such a request is a no-no (since you know my name, I don't see why you shouldn't go and proceed by your own means), and secondly because until some months ago, my neglected account on Facebook was only a receptacle for people that I feel still affectionnate to but that I despair to see ever again; a sort of shrine for my past rescued from sadness and nostalgia mostly by the presence of the "friends-for-real" AndyCapp and Wiz and a few others. I didn't want to be parked in Facebook, to become the has-been icon of a tender encounter.

(have you ever noticed how Facebook's accounts tend to be clogged with exes? Ex-roommates, ex-coworkers...)

But of course he didn't know all that - my quite eccentric attitude - and possibly he thought "the crazy Italian doesn't want me on her Facebook list". Such an occurrence, believe me, at least here, is enough to break friendships and make foes. Luckily, we actually had worse problems so this one went nearly unnoticed. At some point I ended up sending him a friendship request, he accepted and this particular incident was closed hopefully forever.

I don't despise Facebook for its corporate nature, it's the same lack of faith that makes me order Coke at the greasy spoon. I know it's bad, it's conceptually, generally bad, but either this or make with a generally unpalatable coffee. Facebook is convenient like Coke. I've never ever given the address of this diary to anyone, because inside there is a part of my inner life and I like to pretend to myself that I am anonymous here (I am not... and most readers know me in real life anyway). Like the coffee, it's kinda an one-to-one affair (in my mind at least) and contains a modicum of unknown: I don't care much who reads as long as I can carry on with my pretension of anonymity.

Facebook is the down-to-earth side of the virtual life; I am there pasted on a page with name address and biographical data and this make it much closer to day-to-day life. My friendship list contains people I wouldn't dream of revealing my inner torments to, and still, I don't accept anyone I haven't seen at least once in meat-n-bones form.

Recently, I've changed my mind about the "parking" thing and now I go with the flow and keep there... well, everyone. Except for Lord Greensleeves who doesn't have an account (but I do have his best friend in my list), and my half-brother (no account either), a good part of the people from my past and all the people from my present are there. If you are on my friends list it won't be too difficult to match the nicknames of the personnages in my diary with their real names and pictures. And you could discover for example that AndyCapp is an handsome dark man with a "don't mess with me" air, that the Portuguese Colleague has a nice smile and is an Atheist, that The Boss has sad sweet eyes and is a Sagittaire, etc etc.

I contemplate my collection and think to myself that those people are my life, that I am defined by them as much as I define a tiny chunk of each of them. It is quite fun to see them all together in a website, and I don't feel less unique because I enjoy this freeze-dried version of virtual relationships. I may seem naive but since I was a kid I dreamed of having a big book in which I could read the life of all the people I knew. I guess it came true because such imaginary references are a piece of a collective mind, that we all more or less head in the same direction...

And that makes me think that, long before the Facebook incident, I handed over for him to read "Fragments of an hologram rose", the Gibson's short story, because the last paragraph suddenly, in his company, made perfect sense:

Thinking: We're each other's fragments, and was it always this way? That instant of a European trip, deserted in the gray sea of wiped tape - is she closer now, or more real, for his having been there?

But the problem there was: he didn't know what an hologram is. Which spoiled the story for him and distracted both of us from the main topic. I tried frantically to explain all I knew about holograms, but the part that, if broken, an hologram becomes two whole, smaller holograms, left him incredulous, which really didn't forebode well. Next time I try to reach for someone I must remember to avoid all kind of metaphor. It doesn't help. Like it wouldn't help to give someone the address of this diary: would someone know me better because he or she has read my inane ramblings? I am my inner life, but I am also - and maybe much more? - some biographical data and a picture on a standardized template. At least is a good place to start from.

But each fragment reveals the rose from a different angle, he remembered, but delta swept over him before he could ask himself what that might mean.

Proudly broadcasted by barbara_jacob starting from 03/02/09 at 12:13:46 am | randomly put in the category Citazioni, There's someone in my head but it's not me, Me | | 1 comment

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Comment from: siuffi

Anche io avevo sentimenti contrastanti per quanto riguarda facebook.
Da una parte lo trovo molto impersonale, e per questo adatto a tutti. La maggior parte delle persone non sarebbe in grado di tenere un blog, di creare un sito, di rendersi interessante nel virtuale, ci vuole un po' di fantasia ma soprattutto una buona dose di cose da dire che si discostino dall'ordinario.
Facebook, invece, ti permette di avere 30 commenti anche se dici che ti piacciono le mele cotte (esperienza personale) e rende le cose molto più facili.
Dall'altra parte, però, io ho iniziato scettica ma mi sono resa conto che ci sono tante persone con cui avevo perso i contatti che non usano internet abitualmente, non hanno msn, non hanno skype, non hanno niente da scriverti via email (per gli stessi motivi di cui sopra), non leggono il tuo blog.. però hanno facebook, e se dici che ti piacciono le mele cotte commentano, e dopo un po' ho capito che era un modo come un altro per mantenere i contatti, e non mi dispiace neanche troppo. Del resto è anche poco faticoso.
Sono d'accordo però sul non accettare amicizie senza criterio, il 90% delle mie amicizie su facebook le conosco di persona, con qualche rara eccezione di persone come te (asd, detta così sembra brutta, intendo persone che conosco un po' solo virtualmente e con cui mi piace scambiare opinioni, e di cui ho letto qualcosa pur non avendole mai viste in carne e ossa), ma niente sconosciuti. Non è neanche questione di privacy, è che gli sconosciuti virtuali proprio mi sembrano fastidiosi, ormai.
(Quanto cacchio ho scritto? Picchiami!) :)

03/02/09 @ 09:36 am

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